?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Time Immemorial

Fuck. I swear I have ADD, either that or I just don't have the desire to write at this moment. OK, forcing it out, Christ it's been over a week...

I was a bit under the weather most of the week before last, it seems the older I get, the longer it takes me to shake off my maladies. I grudgingly made it to work everyday, through the snow, the ice, and all the other bullshit. We all know that sick days are meant to be used for playing hooky, not when you're actually sick, anyway I make it to Friday. My plan is to go to Best Buy, pick up a few movies and lock myself in all weekend to get over this shit. To my amazement I actually stuck to it. Picked up Garden State, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Troy, and Napoleon Dynamite. I also watch about fourteen hours of football, needless to say I was in front of the TV all weekend. Garden State's amazing, I don't care what people think, there's so much there. I have to watch it, yet again, very soon. The other flicks are good, they serve their purposes well, and I always thought Troy was going to be better than Alexander. Napoleon is so random but is pretty amusing. It's no Office Space though. Neither is H&K, I still have to say that either Anchorman and Dodgeball were the funniest movies last year.

So last Saturday's (1/8) games were really good, Sunday's blew. At some point I also finished off Halo, great story, leaves it open for a third installment, lots of people in the cast I totally had forgotten about. That little piece about my day, I think I started writing it Tuesday morning (1/4) and I just worked on it all week. I don't know, some of it came from my daily routine, from being sick, both physically and sick of people, and it just took off from there. My head's been such a mess as of late, but on the positive tip I haven't drank since New Year's Day.

I know this entry's going to be erratic and all over the place, sue me.

I don't know if I want to keep doing the pic a day thing (circadian_shots) anymore. I've been good about taking a picture everyday, it's just they some are so half-assed and uninspired. I'm taking them for the sake of not missing a day, I have to get out more, maybe I'll have better shots when they weather improves. Hell, the sun's actually out today, maybe I'll take a pic of that. However, some of you seem to enjoy it, I'll keep it at a while longer, f'n quitter. 24 started again, I have to say it's as good as always, but I have to get used to the new cast, as far as CTU is concerned. They seem to be a bunch of nobodies. I finally caught up on a lot of errands and bills during the week, I also reapplied for the Spring ASM shit. Even though they f up my pay every once in a while, I do have a lot of kids asking about the program and hey it's a few extra hundred bucks a month. I'm not going to lie and say I can't use the money.

On another positive note, I finally got my I-Pod back, basically they replaced the guts, however I now possess a 40 gig as opposed to my old 30 gig. Sweet. I've like 6K songs on it and 21 audiobooks and there's still plenty of room for more. Let's see, what else has happened...

I got that Social Security update in the mail and it seems they have my work shit all f'ed up. I guess I forgot or didn't realize that because of my pension I don't get SS taken out of my salary, it's confusing and boring but it sucked and I was freakin' out about that for a while. Then Tuesday (1/11) I got a late start and was rushing to do everything, I ended up slipping on the stairs and falling down half a flight. Fun. I got a slight high ankle sprain and f'ed up my knee. It's the first time in a long time that I've fallen, I can't really even remember the last time as I'm not really the clumsy type. Of course I ended up dropping my I-Pod in the snow, and I skipped breakfast, needless to say I was PO'd that day. Hell visited everyone in my way. I don't remember when, but it was during the week sometime, two comments made my mind wander off and think. One was a co-worker saying she had to start taking better care of herself because she wanted to have a baby soon. The other was another co-worker showing me pictures of her daughter's wedding. I was supposed to be there but who gets married on New Year's Eve? You all know where I was on NYE. http://www.livejournal.com/users/fenyx/113031.html Heh. Anyway, of course the mind starts thinking, I'm not getting emo but you know, her daughter's friggin' younger than me, so was the other girl talking about getting pregnant. *sighs* I sound like an old lady complaining about her "biological clock" or whatever.

Everything happens for a reason. Karma motherfucker, karma. What you put out is what you get back. Don't settle, don't wait on someone, life's too short. Never stop fighting, never give up. You're better than that, you deserve better. You'll never be happy this way, you might not realize it now, or in ten years, hell, maybe it'll be on your death bed, decades from now. You'll be sitting there looking at your kids, maybe grandkids, thinking to yourself, what the fuck happened? Did I make the right choices? Am I where I'm supposed to be? The answer will be yes, you are. Everything works itself out in the end, but could you have been happier? I don't know. Whatever, I'm fuckin' out of it now.

*shakes it off* I go outside of myself sometimes, it's like I type shit before I even think it. Am I talking to myself or to you, hmm... Anyway, umm...we all got problems lady.

Wednesday's Mullen's session seemed very awkward. Just strange vibes and walls everywhere. People were on their best behavior and everyone seemed to be somewhere else. It was still a blast, just different. Maybe it was just my perception of it since I was sober and all, anyway it was all good. D was talking about this birthday party coming up in February. You're all invited, seriously. They're always a good time. South side! Feb Fifth be there or be square. Thursday was interesting, I guess. The only TV I watched was ER, which was alright, the whole "They're going to shoot Abby" thing was decent. For some strange reason, I got the urge to play There. I went on for a while and man is it different. Of course no one I knew was on, as expected. I visited all the old haunts, all of them are totally different, no one spoke to me, and I spent most of the time cruising around. I went through a lot of the shit I wrote in game, it's still saved, and I should at some point make a hard copy or copies in general. Just not today. What the hell was I on? Or thinking? Who was that person?

I wonder about letters I've written, things I've sent, years ago. The thoughts, the energy is the air, old love letters, drawings, notes scribbled on napkins. Written on flyers, are they still out there? Does she have them in an old shoe-box, are they burned up, just ashes? Maybe they're laying in a puddle somewhere, the ink running, waiting to be carried off into the sewers, lost forever. Can those thoughts and wishes be deleted as easily as an E-mail? Or maybe there's a group of ladies sitting in a circle just laughing at the words, the intentions. Did he really say that? What a fuckin' loser. Hell, it wouldn't be the first time.

Friday (1/14) finally arrived. The kids had half a day, we had meetings. Basically some executive came in and patted us on the back, yes a Naval Academy is being installed in your school, but nothing's changing. Don't worry, be happy. Yeah, right. This was to be another bone-chilling weekend so I really didn't look forward to going out anywhere. After work I raced over to Best Buy, picked up a game, and then raced home. The plan was to set up the X-Boxes in the basement and basically spend the weekend watching movies, football, and playing Tiger Woods 2005.

I waited around for people to come over and for the basement to be ready, drifting in and out of consciousness. After a while I started getting really depressed. It was very strange, like a fuckin' blanket, it just engulfed me. For no reason in particular, I guess I just had time to myself, without anything to keep me busy. That's why I hate having too much time on my hands, always have to keep moving. I laid in bed listening to music, random thoughts spinning in my head. Reconstructing events, over analyzing everything. Luckily, it didn't last too long and I could make my worries disappear by blowing shit up on a TV screen.

Saturday the Steelers won in OT, the Falcons blew out the Rams. Sunday the overrated Manning couldn't get in the end-zone and the Eagles handled the Vikes. Next Sunday should be fun. It kind of sucks watching the games at home, sober, but what are you going to do? Watched Harold and Kumar again on Friday, couzos hadn't seen it. Also watched Raging Bull on TV Saturday night and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Sunday morning. I really need to watch that again, I really enjoyed it and I'm sure there's a lot I missed visually. I caught a lot, which probably means there's a thing or two I missed. God did that movie make my head spin. Friggin' Tangerine, did they combine all my exes into her? Heh. I bet lots of guys are saying that. I don't even know that the movie has a point, obviously it does, but some people think it's a happy ending, I think they're just destined to repeat their mistakes. Fuck. Would I do it? Could I? Hell, I'd probably do it right now. But doesn't everything happen for a reason, aren't you supposed to live and learn? Better to have loved and lost, right? Great movie, I officially like Jim Carrey again. Today hasn't been very interesting, I put the heavy bag back up, and moved the bench around, I plan on really starting my routine tomorrow, we'll see how that goes.

Guess that's about it. I haven't been in much of a mood to be around the 'net or people for that matter. Annoying posts, people complaining, bitching, moaning, or even worse, just plain boring me out of my skull. I guess I'm in one of my funks. I can only tolerate people's bullshit for a certain amount of time. I then have to recharge before I can take more. No wonder my "friends" hate me, heh.

I'll see ya when I see ya...

-Gil