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A fantastic waste of time
Life is long but it all moves so fast
You're first then you're last
Afraid of the future but I'm bored with the past

Hmm...well guess this'll be the last year I can use the twenty-nothing line.  Today, really sucked.  I shouldn't complain, I mean, last night was great.  Mom went all out, it felt odd, am I dying?  Am I missing something?  Don't get me wrong, we celebrate every year but last night was a little more than usual.  A lot of fam, a few presents, it was great.  So why do I feel this way?  My aunt got me a sweet zippo with the Chinese character for luck, I also got a horseshoe today, hmm....what's the universe trying to tell me.  Maybe it's just obvious to everyone that I need better luck.  She also got me four tix to any Cubs game this season, nice.  Like I said, it was wonderful, I'm spoiled, whatever.

The day started out like shit though, which, in my case, is to be expected.  My breakfast order got f'ed up, my ASM check didn't come in, and I didn't get tomorrow off.  So I'll be there nice and early, no Sin City for me tonight.  Two people at work remembered, a couple of people called, Grace and Jon made a post on the H board.  It's nice a few people remembered, it was actually more than I expected to.  I hadn't talked to Swanie in ages, it was nice just to hear her voice, I was kind of a dick though.  I'm an asshole what can I say.  I never did call Julie back, she wanted to get a drink or something, I'm not feeling very sociable though.  I guess I wasn't much better this morning, getting into an "argument" over BEING versus BECOMING.  Now that I think about it, I cracked some Pope jokes today as well, guess I'm in a mood.  It sucks when people act so hypocritcal though, it's okay to make fun of Schiavo but leave the Pope alone!  Assholes.

It was storming last night, dark and gloomy today.  It's appropriate, my birthdays are always bittersweet.  Brandon Lee, Selena, Charlotte Bronte, Bass Wolf, Knute Rockne, Jesse Owens, Terri Schiavo...guess what they all have in common?  I remember Brandon's vividly.  Another year I believe it was snowing, it's all good though.  Sunny and pleasant just wouldn't fit.  It wouldn't feel right.

The yearly tradition isn't happening this year, everyone's all over the place.  The early spring break threw everyone off I guess.  Even if someone brings it up tomorrow, I'm just not in the partying mood.  I haven't had a drop of alochol all week.  I've got Suffrajett to look forward to this weekend, other than that, maybe catching Sin City at some point.  Maybe some ink tomorrow?

I know my father was kidding, but he said I looked older, for some reason it bugged me. Why is it bothering me?  I'm not vain, I'm not afraid of croaking.  Your life gets shorter while your memory gets longer.  Hmm...probably because I feel older.  Over the last couple of years I've gotten pains or discomforts I've never experienced before.  It could be because I'm in the worst shape of my life, but some of it has to be that I'm aging.  Well, guess that's about it eh?  Did I miss anything?  Probably, oh well, I did forget to pick up the papers today, again, wow I suck.  So what else is new?

I'm not going to make any statements, any resolutions, or any promises.  I'm not going to vow to change, why mess with 29 years of success, right?  You know, this year is the first that I can remember not wishing for something when I blew out the candles.  Have I really grown up or have I just given up?

-gil