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F rag me nt s

Today was odd.

Where do I begin?  Frustration setting in, once again.  Aging sucks.  Not that I'm over the hill or anything but I spent the day with my brother and my cousin, like we would years ago.  Remembering how my brother would rat us out when we were up to no good.  Same grammar school, then on to rival high schools.  On the gridiron, so many games, so many years.  It's a shame that we don't play anymore, I guess that happens when you get older.  So many people I haven't seen in ages, Willy, Mola, Cal, Wayne, Ranier...

Having a burrito at Garcia's.  We've repeated that scene at least a hundred times in our lifetimes.  Waitresses getting older, having kids, leaving.  A lot of our friends, married, fathers, homeowners.  I feel like I'm getting left behind.  Am I clinging on to my youth?  To childhood?  A boy trapped in a man's body?  It sucks getting older, but any of these people, these situations, it could easily be me in their shoes.  I had it all, I was so fucking close.  You try to live your life with no regrets, que sera, sera, etc.  But maybe I fucked up.  Maybe I should have moved in with her.  Maybe I'd still be with her...

That was another life.  Everything's different now.  I'm different.  At least I hope so.  I don't know if I could have stepped up then, and I don't know if I can step up now.  Friends, friendship.  What's the point?  I wonder sometimes.  Some of you, yes you, are my friends.  But for how long?  I wouldn't hold my breath, it's not by choice but it just always seems to happen.  The past kept coming up today.  Why doesn't it stay where it belongs?

Before Garcia's we watched Four Brothers, Evanston Style.  I really enjoyed it, the best way to describe it is as an "urban western".  People die, the boys roll into town, justice is served.  It's not that simple, but it's pretty close.  Good acting, great soundtrack.  Maybe it's me, but the last few movies I've seen have had some kick ass soundtracks.  The only thing that was really pissing me off is the oldest of fuckin' cliches.  These two black ladies were behind us talking throughout the whole fuckin' movie.  Idiots, I didn't see ushers anywhere and didn't see the manager.  That's why I try to see movies in the morning when no one's there.  Fuckin' cunts.  I was praying that they'd choke on their fuckin' popcorn.  Harsh you say?  Fuck them, I love my movies.  I'm supposed to be taken away, supposed to be escaping during those two hours.  So fuck them.  Anyway, afterwards we headed south to Garcia's but on the way there we ran into the Pakistani parade/gathering.  Of course everyone's waving their goddamn flags and traffic is at a standstill.  We almost got into it because an SUV coming out of the alley tried cutting into the street ahead of us.  I was in the passenger seat and the guy's grill stopped inches in front of me.  He thought he was going to get me to flinch or something.  Idiot.  I wish he would have hit my cousin's car, we would had a riot on our hands.  Fuckin' heathens.  Ooookkkaaay.  Calm down there champ. 

We get to Lincoln Square, have some burritos and talk about old times.  Yay.  Ugh.  4400 sucked tonight.  The Cubs won, took three out of four from the Cards.  I won a Madden quick tournament.  Grossman fucked up his ankle on Friday and we've got Blake.  Yay.  Some guy was cutting his lawn across the street with shears/clippers.  WTF?  People kept cutting us off the whole day.  There was something in the air.  Capital One pissed me off this morning.  Some guy on stories from the ER or whatever had this disease where his heart would stop if he ingested anything that was too cold.  Another guy was an amputee fetish, he cut his hand off and wouldn't let them put it back on.  I really wish that God would just wipe us all out sometimes.  Yay.

Was it something I said?  If you're reading, the guy's name was Wyman last week.

Hmm I think that's about it, I don't know.  I'm kind of spent.  This shit sucks too.  I know I'm writing for myself, but since I know people read or can read I feel like I have to write for them (you) as well.  Not that people read anyway, I get such good feedback.  I don't know, private entries are like cheating I think.  I should write in a real live paper journal again.  Then again I can type ten times faster than I can write. 

This entry was a complete waste of time, you're all dumber for having read it as am I for having written it.

g'nite.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
mark40e
Aug. 14th, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)
a
aging is such a strange concept. i avoid
it, mildly. but i avoid it just the same.

however,
as i got on to the elevator today,
i noticed something i didn't like
in the mirror. recognizable differences
in the shape of my face. an aging side effect. it's
been on my mind all night. strange.

M
fenyx
Aug. 15th, 2005 12:19 pm (UTC)
Re: a
Yes, I try not to think about it as well. It's not how old you are but how old you think you are, right? Still though, it is a little disheartening when you notice little physical changes.
sugarplanet
Aug. 15th, 2005 07:52 am (UTC)
you know I read everything you write, it's just that we aren't good friends or anything and I don't really feel like it's my place to say anything, yet.

and angsty much, chill out. I don't know your background so I can't really judge or rather, I don't think it's my place to do that but no matter how bad you think you feel there's ALWAYS someone who has it worse. Count your blessings and live life as it hurtles at ya.
fenyx
Aug. 15th, 2005 12:26 pm (UTC)
Yet, Heh.
Hahaha, I'm good, I get in my little moods I guess. I agree, there are people who are worse off, but then again there are people better off too. :P I kid. Monday, new week, new umm...beginnings or something. PS-I find it funny that whenever I see that Transporter 2 trailer I immediately think of you, hahaha.
sugarplanet
Aug. 15th, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
Re: Yet, Heh.
hee...yeah, yet...have you noticed how chatty I am with my other lj friends? particularly the ones I've known like forever? Can't get me to to shut up unless I'm in a car, then I'm as quiet as a mouse.

figured you you were just having an angsty sort of day, I get those all the time, everyone gets them but I try to move past mine as quickly as I can, unless I'm in the mood to bitch and moan.

omg, you have no idea how much I want to go see that movie...I may have to kidnap a friend and drag them to see it.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )