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You guys should give me topics to write about.  I need some sort of focus.  Luckily I've got a couple things on my mind at the moment.  My brother was watching Going Tribal just now, I won't get into the details of the show, but it is a great show.  Anyway, part of the welcoming/coming of age ritual of this particular tribe is to plant a tree for the new member.  The tree represents all of the person's problems(present and future I believe).  Towards the end of the ritual the whole tribe starts tearing the tree apart limb by limb, branch by branch.  I thought it was one of the coolest things I'd ever seen.  Just the idea of having a tribe, a family, a group to help you through life.  To help you overcome those obstacles and problems.  I found it inspiring, and it made me envious.  Don't get me wrong, I've got a pretty decent support system, but I wonder sometimes.  Eh, me and my insecurities I guess.

The other thing, which is one of my constant obsessions is karma.  My Name is Earl is all about it.  It's a pretty funny show, and of course Lee and Suplee are favorites of mine.  Oh and Nadine Velazquez is sooooo hot.  Anyway, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I see cut clear examples of it in my everyday life, I also try to live my life with it in mind.  Granted it's probably not the noblest of reasons to live a good life, but it's not bad either.  Maybe it's out of fear of God, the afterlife, religion, whatever, but everyone has his or her beliefs and if and how they influence the decisions they make.  Another component or influence on my choices is that fact that I believe that everything happens for a reason, or at least I try to.  Why am I even on this topic?  See what I mean, please submit topics ASAP.  I guess it's because there are certain things that, for whatever reason, I can see developing or more accurately not developing down the road, yet I still make these decisions.  I'm insane.  I expect different results without changing my current course of action.  I know X situation is going to turn out negatively but I continue the path.  Maybe things will be different this time.  Riiiight.

So what's a guy supposed to do?  Roll over and give up?  Never been my style really.  Granted, I won't do too much to get out of my current situation, but I sure as hell won't put myself out of my own misery.  I dwell in it.  I guess I don't know much else.  It's home. 

I also wish people would be upfront about shit.  Just spell it out for me as if I was LD.  Honestly, when it comes to relationships, I probably am.  It's sure as hell not due to lack of trying though.  I probably just read into things too much or maybe not enough.  Or take things too personally.  Again, it's me and my BS.  Jules also called, I hadn't heard from her in a month, it's been even longer since I've seen her.  I don't know where we stand anymore.  I'm not sure where I stand with lots of people.  Aren't you supposed to grow out of this shit?  I'm walking around at work, and it all seems so surreal to me.  I'm responsible for these "kids", yet I feel like a child myself.  I'm 13, 14, 15 years older than some of these students, but it still feels like I could easily be one of them.  I sometimes wonder how healthy that is.  I bond with my kids, BS with them, talk about X-Box, sports, etc.  But after everything is said and done, I'm supposed to be on another level.  The adult.  The teacher.  The disciplinarian.  The coach.  It sucks recognizing that I'm getting older, maturing if you will.  Hell, I call half of them "son".  The other coaches use it too, but I got it from my uncle.  He always calls my brother and I "son".  It's a nice term of endearment, I guess.  Still though, it's scary that I'm now more than old enough to be a father.  I'm growing up.  There's no stopping it now.

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again
She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...
Guess I'll let it go

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
sugarplanet
Oct. 4th, 2005 09:21 pm (UTC)
FUEL! I like, only love them!
sugarplanet
Oct. 4th, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC)
and Going Tribal is only like the best reality TV show EVAH! the first episode...eek!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )