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Phew

Just made it.

The last couple of days have sucked, at least baseball has. Not only have the Cubs been losing, we've been losing too. A lot of our kids have no discipline, I guess I expect too much sometimes. Then again, the coaches and athletic directors aren't much better. The game today got cancelled, fuckin' cluster fuck. After all the shit I went through yesterday and this morning to make sure I had everything for today.

I swear...it's like...I don't know. Is it me or is it the nature of relationships? Peep this. A lot of times you don't realize what you have, or who you have until it's too late or until it's gone. Sometimes the danger or fear of losing it is enough for it to hit you. However, when you're in the thick of it, it is sometimes easy to believe you're unhappy. To want more. So what is it? Are you really unhappy? Are you greedy? Bored? When it's gone are really missing what was taken, what was missing?

Like my job for instance. I work a lot of insane hours, 14 hours yesterday for example. It isn't the hardest job in the world, it's fun at times, and I'm pretty much my own boss. I love coaching, but I hate the politics and paperwork involved. Last year when I got laid off I was pretty depressed about it, I was like "I'd do anything to have my job back, it's the best job in the world!" Now...I'm not sure I even want it anymore.

This is how I feel at the moment, I'm sure it'll change a dozen times during the next week. So...which is true, how I do I really feel about...things?

It's like the few times I've been in mortal danger, fear of losing my life type of shit. It didn't phase me. Why?

Was I so sure that everything was going to turn out okay? Did faith keep me at ease? Or...did I honestly just not give a fuck? I really couldn't tell you, I'd like to say I knew everything would be okay, but I can't. Hmm...how do I expect people to get me if I don't even get myself sometimes?

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Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
live2cd
May. 13th, 2007 07:06 am (UTC)
I caught the end of the Cubs/Phils game last night & it was tough seeing them lose after they had the lead, there. Esp. coming up to bat in the top of the 9th in the pouring rain trying to get runs in.
fenyx
May. 13th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, baseball's starting to piss me off in general. Anyway, how've you been?
live2cd
May. 13th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
ive been good, man.
awaiting the new local h disc....

so perhaps sometime in july 2009?
fenyx
May. 14th, 2007 01:09 am (UTC)
*fingers crossed*
geenamarie
May. 13th, 2007 10:47 pm (UTC)
You know what's pissing me off?!?!?!?!



...SEATTLE!

f*&#*%&*$&%#
fenyx
May. 13th, 2007 11:02 pm (UTC)
Heh.
live2cd
May. 13th, 2007 11:38 pm (UTC)
sorry to use your blog to talk Yankees, Gil..

Here is the thing w/ the Seattle series...
We go out west to take on a .500 team (which is usually an easy task for the NYY).. and we only allow them to score 7 runs over 3 games, yet we lose 2 out of 3. Wtf? Im not pissed @Seattle, I'm pissed at the Yankee's offense. We seriously choked this entire series sans the first few innings of Saturday's game. No runs in on Friday & only 1 in today??. Fuck that. This team does not have what it takes this year. A-Rod striking out in the 8th with 2 runners on? Typical A-Rod, his hot streak is far gone. He has not done anything lately to help the team. Giambi is 0 for his last 17 & honestly the only hitters still contributing every day are Jorge & Derek.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box.
Plus I feel bad for Andy. He is having one of his greatest years and all of these no decisions for games where the offense cannot come through for him make me sick. He should be 6-1 right now.
fenyx
May. 14th, 2007 01:10 am (UTC)
No worries. This is the most action me or my blog have seen in a while, hahaha.
geenamarie
May. 14th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
Good point here... but no one will be able to sway my hatred for Seattle... you know how it goes.

I am very disappointed in our offense right now... our pitching is finally coming through, and we can't get hits?!? I won't comment on A Rod. I think we put too much on him alone, and not enough on the lineup as a whole. But then again, maybe my crush on him is as big as your man-crush on DeSalvo. Heh.

Oh, and please do not leave out my boy, Matsui.



I guess I gotta stop thinking about how far behind we are, and just start enjoying the game. I love watching the boys, so I should just enjoy each series one-by-one.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )