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Say it ain't so...

I don't know if I can keep doing this. How long do you stay in a bad relationship? At what point do you realize that things aren't going to get better, that if anything, they're going to get worse? You try to convince yourself that it can be salvaged, that there's hope. Hope dies last right? But what about not trying to save the drowning man lest you drown yourself? I know that it's technically not the definition of insanity but some people like to define it as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It's definitely a form of mental illness, of madness, it's an affliction. I don't know, I'm rambling now. I'm broken-hearted, I distraught. I know there are worse things, I know that life will go on, but I don't know if I can keep on doing the same thing and expecting different results. I don't know if I can stay loyal, stay faithful, and keep my promises much longer. It's taking everything I've got to keep myself from going into the closet and burning all of the clothes, all of the mementos, anything that reminds me of the relationship.

Maybe I'll just sleep on it, maybe I'll feel different in the morning, I don't know. Hell, even animals will only take so much, so many beatings, so much pain before they flee or fight.

For the time being I'm through believing, fuck next year, fuck baseball, and fuck the Cubs.

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Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
mark40e
Oct. 5th, 2008 05:44 am (UTC)
i
i was a die-hard cubs fan
growing up. followed them game
by painful game for years
and years
and years. when they finally got
to the championship round against the
florida marlins i was in full-cubby-nation
pride mode. i was a fist pumping,
game watching,
"finally" feeling fan.

then the whole bartman debacle
turned the team in to the mush i'd known
them to be for oh-so-many years.

THAT was the season where i vowed,
"NEVER AGAIN".

since then,
i watch the cubs casually,
as a sports/baseball fan - NOT
as a cubs fan. it is this new mindset
that allows me to watch this epic meltdown
that is the 2008 season with only mild
disdain. i attended a number of exciting
games this season, watched a number of others
on the television...and kept my mind and heart
in check.

like running in to an old girlfriend
who you realize full well is committed
to some total loser. you watch
with mild concern. but do not attach
your heart to the emotions.

next year? psh. there will NEVER
be a next year. just more of the same
cub-cursed ups and downs
that will always net the same results.

M~
fenyx
Oct. 6th, 2008 03:01 am (UTC)
Re: i
Awesome. I've been keeping up but haven't been commenting much, I did the whole circle tour this summer and some of your posts/pics have been reminding me of it.
mark40e
Oct. 7th, 2008 01:05 am (UTC)
Re: i
ah...nice. nice. so yeah. sox
lost - so both chicago teams are out...on the other
hand - the pleasant suprise as of late
are the bears. at least they are
being competitive. it's all good.

M~
fenyx
Oct. 7th, 2008 02:34 am (UTC)
Re: i
Yeah let's hope they don't let us down for a couple months at least.
bettydiamond
Oct. 5th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
they really need to change their name to the Heartbreakers
fenyx
Oct. 6th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
*sighs* yeah...it's enough to make me a Sox fan I tells ya...I can walk to the cell from here!
bettydiamond
Oct. 6th, 2008 12:56 pm (UTC)
is there parking by you or do you need a sticker? i may have to take advantage of you next year. *wink wink*

if i didn't have to work today *cough leave early*.. i might've tried to get last min tix today for the game.
fenyx
Oct. 7th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
Woo hoo! I mean aahhh...I'm not that close that I need a sticker but it's about ten blocks away or so.
live2cd
Oct. 5th, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
im sorry about The Cubs, man. You deserve better!!!
fenyx
Oct. 6th, 2008 02:57 am (UTC)
Thanks. At least you've still got a chance at Torre beating the BoSox. At least I've still got the Bears.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )