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Mucky Water

I have to get going soon and it sucks. I've been meaning to write on here about last weekend. We went to see Melissa's mom for her birthday, hit the Fall Foliage Festival, our niece was in the parade riding a horse. You have to love small towns. The weather was really nice, warm actually, had some good food, a pumpkin pie blizzard, mmm. Damn allergies started acting up too though, eh...it's always something. Dotty, one of our dogs was having like a panic attack on the way back, so we made a few stops. We actually made it back to our old hood in Indy and had some lunch, Boogie Burgers is sooo good. I miss Broad Ripple sometimes...sometimes. We got back into town on Monday and it feels like I've been busy ever since. Even though I have the weekend off, I still feel like I haven't had any time off at all, we're just so busy all of the time, I don't know. This just isn't the life I envisioned sometimes, birth, school, work, death, what's the point? Eh...

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Switching gears now...Victor was telling about an Indy comic-con or something like that going on next weekend. It got us talking about comics and ideas, things like that, breaking in as a writer, and of course it lead to me going on about my ideas. I don't talk about them much, for several reasons I guess. Paranoia, fear of rejection, shyness, to name a few, but I do get excited when I do. I tend to ramble on, I mean I've read tons of books on writing, screen writing, playwriting, acting, taken classes, improv, etc. That's what I went to school for, I've acted and helped direct short films, and I've written two full length screenplays and a novel. I just sometimes feel like I'm tooting my own horn, or just talking shit like so many other people. I feel like I'm lying when I call myself a writer. I don't know, I'm conflicted about it all to say the least. That's why I don't bring it up too often. Even as I'm talking about it, I get quiet or just change subjects when people don't react the way I expect them to. Some people get excited and want to talk to you about making/writing something, other people kind of just listen politely, all the while thinking to themselves that I suck. Still others kind of give you that eyes glazed over look, like they have no idea what the hell you're rambling about. Once in a while I feel that some legitimately is interested and likes/understands my ideas. I don't know, I've had bad experiences I guess, and I'm a bit too sensitive, guess I need to develop tougher skin.

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On another subject, times are tough, we all know that so I won't harp on about it. I've been reading and I know a few of you are also in your own little personal hells having problems here and there, I usually try to be encouraging or keep a positive attitude but I'm kind of hurting in my own way these days too. I came to a sad realization the other day...on my way to work traffic usually sucks but if I leave at the right time I get to work up to half an hour early sometimes. Anyway, for the past couple of weeks or so, the best part of my day is the little time I have to myself in the parking lot before I have to go into work. I sit there, alone, in an empty lot, listening to the radio, and I can just...be.

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