Gil (fenyx) wrote,
Gil
fenyx

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In a jail of own doing...

Holy shit...I don't remember the last time I've been so restless and bored. Christ. You know those commercials where the guy reaches the "end of the Internet"? I've got that guy beat. Read random journals, re-read some others, read some old emails, I love twisting the old knife. Visited a lot of sites. I was on WWE.com for Christ's sake. Played Halo 2 with my brother, cousin, and on LIVE for hours. Played Fable, talked on the phone, stared at the wall, had some VP Pizza, stared at the ceiling. Fuck, I regret not going to the show last night, unbeknownest to me hot4scott was there and we probably could have hung out, or at least shot the shit for a few. I heard the show was great and that Simi was hot as usual. My eyes are burning, still a little fucked up I think. I didn't even leave the house today, the only good thing that happened today was that I finally received my neighborhoodie. I'll take pictures later or tomorrow, whatever. It's exactly what I wanted, save for the color of the hoodie but it's all good. I'm too lazy to find the damn camera but I'll post a pic soon. I still haven't seen how C's turned out, haven't heard from her in a while actually.

Maybe I need a drink. Is it withdrawal kicking in? Can I not have a good time without drinking? Hmm...I'm not quite that bad, yet. I guess I'm paranoid about spending cash now, if I have to pay off that fucking account I'm going to be broke just in time for the holidays...and my credit card's close to being maxed. What the fuck happened? I'm working two jobs and still can't keep up. Less than a month ago I had money to burn, didn't even pick up Local tix. Oh that's the other thing, they went on sale today. Anyone and everyone who reads this and is in the greater Chicagoland area should pick up their tix now!!!! Local H New Year's Eve at the Double Door! Can you say open bar!!! Let's just hope shit works out, actually I could just ignore the whole thing right? Deal with it next year? Eh...I'm soooo responsible aren't I? Short work week coming up, so that's hella sweet, I guess.

I've been listening to Local H,(as usual) that Nelly/McGraw song, Sublime, Mos Def, Juve, Cake, and this crap:


If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


It's fuckin' wretched. Told you I was bored. Bored and feeling melancholy. Mayonnaise and Malaise. To go.

I guess I'll watch the news at ten, how exciting, then SNL. I hope it's somewhat entertaining. Bears are probably going to get their asses handed to them tomorrow, but you never know. Any given Sunday right?

You ever look in the mirror and ask yourself "Who the fuck is this person?" I swear a couple years ago I'd kick my own ass.

God, I still have half an hour to kill...

Much love,

*Insert witty moniker here*
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