Posted in the Tshirt Hell newsletter
Hell for the Holidays
When you send toys to poor children on Christmas, or help out at a food kitchen on Christmas Eve; you are not helping. Let me say it again. You are not helping. You are only throwing the rest of their miserable life into stark relief. These poor, filthy, disgusting dregs of society, who have no one to blame but themselves for their pitiful circumstances, now get this message shoved in their face:
Hello from the rarified world of the middle class. This is what your life could be like every day if we really wanted to make more than a token effort. If we were willing to do without one cup of mocha java latte supreme every week, if we bought one less Oprah magazine. We could feed you like this every day. We could give your children toys every week, and clothes, too. Your daughter wouldn't have to suck cock to buy you cigarettes.
But we don't care. We couldn't give a shit. Instead we collect DVDs of crappy movies that we will never watch again. We would rather use our money to pay for the electricity to run our elaborate Christmas lights that we leave on all night. We would rather pay for pretty lights that no one is looking at than help you.
We want to throw parties for people we don't like in an effort to throw our affluence in their faces. We would rather spend $20 on our secret Santa present for that fat whore in our office who we normally would never speak to. Even though the cap on presents was $10, we'll be damned if we're going to look like cheap bastards.
Or better yet, we'll buy 'gag' gifts like adult diapers so everyone can comment on how clever we are, and then throw them away. Meanwhile, you sit in that alley stewing in your own piss. Boy, I'll bet you wish you had one of these adult diapers right now. Instead your privates are encased in a block of yellow ice.
Rich people love Christmas. We buy our kids and ourselves whatever we want, and it doesn't matter. We could give money to charity, and sometimes we give a little. It doesn't really matter. We have gobs of money and we need the write off. Mostly we chair committees to raise money. You ignorant middle class people give money to our charities. You volunteer and work for free. You stupid suckers. And these charities throw great parties to honor us rich people for being so giving. Usually we get awards, and get to give speeches about how generous we are. Sometimes we even get little plaques.
You pathetic middle class sheep love Christmas. Your lives are so dreary and dull. Cut down a tree and put it inside our house. That ought to cheer you up. Give the mailman a 3 lb can of popcorn because he looks like he could uses 3 fucking pounds of popcorn.
The true meaning of Christmas is that it's way better to be rich than it is to be poor. Santa clearly gives better gifts to rich kids than he does to poor kids. Unless you are Jewish; Santa hates Jewish kids.