Gil (fenyx) wrote,
Gil
fenyx

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"Take me to bed or lose me forever."

now i just stare into the sun
and i see everything i've done
i think i could have been someone
but i can't stop what has begun
when everything is said and done
and there is no place left to run
i think i used to be someone
now i just stare into the sun

Trent Reznor

Fuck.  What happened?  When did writing my little entries, sharing my useless thoughts become such a chore?  I guess work, make that, life, has just been exhausting as of late.  Maybe it's me.  Some of the others around here have been kicking ass, posting away every day.  Everyday?  Whatever.  I'm not spell checking.  I was just talking to my brother about that study where they came to the conclusion that being overly dependant on technology does more damage to your brain than smoking pot.  I believe it, I mean I can't spell for shit since the invention of spell check.  Dictionary.com is my best friend.  Speaking of pot, the last couple of weeks I've had the strangest urge to smoke.  Go figure, I guess it may have to do with the fact that I haven't been drinking.  Didn't even drink on Cinco de Mayo, my Mexican ancestors will be pissed.  Actually, no one really celebrates it like that in Mexico.  Contrary to popular belief (even by Mexicans) it is NOT Mexican Independence day, but I digress.  Anyway, yeah I want to smoke herb.  Maybe I've been listening to much Wu-Tang, maybe I'm getting contact highs at work.  I'm sure I won't, I haven't in so long, I'm a poseur, I know, you don't have to tell me, still though.  At some point the thoughts of chronic led to my memories of the compound. 

A few years ago, I was pretty much living with this girl, my psuedo-girlfriend at the time.  Psuedo, you ask, well that's an entirely different story for another day, believe me it's long.  Anyway, we'd sit around and get drunk or get high, semi-frequently, others more than some.  Well, she had some pretty expensive and nice furnishings, and of course in our less than sober states, she'd spill shit, constantly.  I don't know if it was on a commercial or while watching a show, but somehow we came across sippy cups.  Fast forward to a few days later, midnight grocery shopping, which incidentally is the absolute best time to go shopping since no one's at the grocery store.  There in the baby section I saw them http://store1.yimg.com/I/yhst-25136115910226_1844_688732  minus the stickers.  We bought his and hers matching sippy cups.  It was so funny, of course we filled them with bacardi and coke not formula.  When the neighbors came over they were soooo jealous

I miss my red sippy cup.

I just spent about half an hour surfing the 'net go figure.  Ugh.  I also closed all my messengers because I'll start yapping and lose what little focus I have.  The fact that Livejournal is a banned site at work now doesn't help.  I guess the kids were on it too much or something, who knows?  What else is going on?  Speaking of work, I was supposed to have RSVP'd to a co-worker's daughter's wedding.  *sighs*  I'd really like to go, especially since they're Chinese, I've never been to a Chinese wedding, I'm curious as to how it goes, I've actually only been to like one wedding as an adult, they're not my thing.  Dressing up, being on your best behavior.  Not to mention that I'll need a date, I'd take Jules but I'm having "issues" with her at the moment.  Hell, it seems like I'm going through shit with everyone.  She sort of stood me up for Audioslave, but always complains that we don't hang out. She never had time when she was with Charlie and now that she's not, she's still out all the time. Whatever.  There's also the retirement dinner for Mrs. H and the others at work.  I have to RSVP to that soon.  Buy a suit.  Wear a tie.  Ugh.  Graduation's another event, oh and that party on the 27th, at least that was easy enough to turn down since it's a H date.  I don't know.  I hate making decisions.  Still haven't decided how and when I'm getting to the East Coast.  I haven't even spoken to the llama in weeks.  *shrugs shoulders*  Then someone mails me this E-mail from out of the blue:

sunshine

what to say to you ....

ive lost you, havent i?

:)

Umm, I guess.  Did you ever have me though?  I guess it's better than just getting random FWDs from one of your oldest friends.  What the hell happened, the people I've been closest to are fading into background noise.

I'm probably pissing people off as I write this. Even now, I feel like I'm making new friends, connecting with people, and for what? Don't misread this as a fear of abandonment, it's more of a pre-emptive defense mechanism. Sure. Yeah that's it. It's like anything in life, why put all this effort into or work at something so hard just to see it disappear? Eh, this is probably why I haven't been writing, everything I have going on is either depressing, boring, or just mundane. Hmm...I guess I can talk about work a little bit, let's see we had one kid locked up on drug charges, another one because he sexually harassed students, a fight involving "tu sabes" knockouts (don't ask), and a stinkbomb/mace incident. Just another crazy day. Who the hell knows what next year's going to bring. I met the Principal for the Naval Academy yesterday, he seems nice enough. *shrugs shoulders* What else? I was going to go through all the movies and CD's coming out this month but it's almost halfway over already, heh. This has literally taken me four hours, between writing, watching Joey, the X-Box 360 special, and now Project Greenlight. Damn, I like to think that I'm not as bad as those hardcore gamers, but there's no denying it, I'm excited about the new X-Box. *swoons* I also can't wait to see Feast, I'm happy for the director, John Gulager, too bad it won't be out until winter. I was going to steal a couple of ideas from Jen's journal but maybe I'll do that next time.

So I guess that's about it, if you've made it through that convoluted mess of an entry, thanks for reading.

-Crappy Gilmore

PS-This took me over four hours. I could have been out, reading, or doing stuff around the house.

Eh, whatta ya gonna do?
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