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You pin me down - you box my ears...

La la la la la la...YEAHHHHHHH!

Umm, yeah.  So how's it goin?  Oh how I've missed that feeling, waking up feeling like you got your ass kicked the night before, cell phone on the floor halfway across the room, clothes scattered, in a daze.  Good times. 

I must be a masochist on some level, because I do enjoy the feeling.  Like when you're really worked out and you're sore as hell, or getting your ass kicked sparring, ahh, good times.  It's just that sometimes the best way to feel alive, hell to feel anything, it too feel pain, right?  I sure as hell can deal with physical pain a whole lot better than the emotional kind.  So last night D calls and we head over to Mullen's.  We called a lot of people, unfortunately no one showed, D himself was a hour late.  There I was watching my Cubbies lose another game, drinking by my lonesome, chit chatting with Billie.  Oh speaking of chit chatting, it's funny how the world works, this one particular girl I was talking to on and off, who proceeded to shoot me down saying she had a "boyfriend", well it turns out she's got two kids and is older than what she said.  Blessings in disguise.  Everything happens for a reason.  Eventually D shows up and to my surprise a couple of my friends from high school show up.  Then a couple more, heh.  Long story short it ended up being a loooooong night filled with Jagerbombs, Sambuca (which I just found out you can light and have tons of fun with), Long Islands, and Harps.  It's a good thing I wasn't driving, heh.

I wake up this morning, to an empty house, in a great fucking mood for once, and full of energy.  What to do, what to do?   I think of a few things, catch up on here, write a little, watch a movie, go out for a while, slowly I start losing it.  Then I remember that I was going to possibly type up my old entries from my "real life" journals.  You know, copy them straight from my journals and throw them on here for the world to see, or at the very least for me to have them accessible.

Then I started reading them.

Mistake number one.  It's amazing how the same bullshit bothered me years ago.  Have I done nothing since then?  I noticed typos and other mistakes, then I wondered what I was going to do, or how I'd set up the ones that had drawings or doodles.  Maybe describe them or make notes.  I'd want to copy them exactly as I wrote them, so I could see myself using a lot of brackets to correct things.  The other issue, and I guess it's always an issue here as well is the usage of people's real names.  If it's nothing too incriminating, I always use people's names but sometimes...hmm.  Believe it or not, people actually read this thing, so far it hasn't been a problem.  Maybe I'll make those entries friends only, or VIP, or even private, we'll see.  Nah, not private, I have to at least let Viv read them, heh.  I don't know, for the most part I know most of the people on LJ seems to use real names, so I guess it's copacetic.  Speaking of Bibby, she friend'd me on MySpace, was it?  Friendster, eh one of the two and in her friends I saw Mike's page so I followed it over and saw his pics.  It was just kind of cool to finally have faces to match all these people she writes about.  But I digress, I started reading them and thinking about the logistics of copying them and I lost my steam, so on to the X-Box I went and then I watched the Cubs lose, again.  Blegh.

Had a late lunch, and now here I am, in front of the computer once again, spilling my guts, keeping up with the other baseball games going on, and listening to Local H.  I've got the Yahoo live stat tracker and let me tell you, if I'm not careful I could sit here all night obsessing over my fantasy players and their stats, I mean it updates them live dammit!  Runs, hits, stolen bases, Ks, homers, walks, you name it!  *shakes head*

Anyway, that's it for now guys and dolls, this entry was brought to you by the letter F and the number 2.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 17th, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
i have a bunch of old hand-written journals that i've had since i was 14. i've moved more times than i want to count in the past 5 years, so the thought of getting rid of them has crossed my mind. there is a lot of negative, sad, drama stuff in there that i don't really need. at the same time there are some really good things. i always thought that like maybe one day if i had kids they would want to read them (i always dug like finding old pieces of clothing of my moms or poems my dad wrote to my mom when they were dating). but now i feel like, "do i want people to read them?" i guess the difference between them and livejournal is that livejournal you censor yourself... or at least CAN censor yourself by making things private (which i sometimes do, but have rarely done in the past months). my journals are all 100% emotion and part of me just wants to set them on fire and let those memories go. i haven't done it yet though. i don't know if i will. maybe i will rip out select things. i don't know. ideas?
May. 17th, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
Bruce Lee used to picture himself writing down his problems, things on his mind, anything that was bothering him. Then he'd picture himself burning the piece of paper and his mind would be clear. Chuck Norris took it a step further and actually did it. I haven't been able to make myself throw them away. One of the screenplays I wrote had more than a couple of scenes that I took out of my journal word for word. I can't even get rid of things from exes, eventhough I don't have them in plain view, I have a garbage bag full of crap in storage.

I get what you're saying about LJ and I do censor a little bit I guess but I don't know if I'd ever want to destroy the journals in their entirety. I like your idea of letting your kids know who you were and what you were thinking at 14, 24, etc.

Then again, setting them on fire would be cool, wouldn't it?
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )