Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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I was in a good mood...for once.

Went out with some people from work, had a lot to drink. Everyone was great, lots of people showed up. I was able to work the room as usual, haven't really gone out in a while, but I'm glad I still got it ;). As fun as it was, and as nice as it was to see everyone, it was only temporary.

I get home, jump on, and reality hits me in the face again. So close yet so far away.

You know, lots of people take shit for granted. When you talk to people that are dying or suicide survivors and shit, they tell you how even the most trivial things seem so grand now, how nothing is trivial. Bullshit.

I walk around and I think to myself sometimes, hell a lot of times...would I really miss this? Yay, another sunset...oh look the leaves are falling...again. Gee I think I would really miss the cold, the 10 degree weather. Oh please, I can't imagine not having bills anymore. But if I'm dead, I'll never get to see the world.

Guess what. No more bills, no more wanting, no more bullshit...

no more pain.

Besides, if you're religious, don't you think you'll be in heaven anyway...fuck it. What's stopping me? Family I guess...I don't know. Don't get all paranoid people, I ain't going anywhere...I just hate living sometimes.

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