Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Can you feel it?

1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.
2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance: spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion. See Synonyms at feeling.
3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility: “The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect” (Isaac Bashevis Singer).

It's everywhere right now.  The Saints won on it.  You can feel it in the air.  It's everywhere, on message boards, I see it in other people's journals.  Love, lust, sadness, anger, fear.  We're all going through something aren't we?  I couldn't watch the 9/11 programming this morning, I think I turned on the X-Box around the time the second plane hit.  For some reason I felt guilty about it afterwards.  Then there's the whole Katrina situation.  The stories are incredible.  Even more incredible is how ignorant some people are.  "They should have left."  "They deserve it."  "It's God punishing them for their wickedness."  Man is the cruelest animal.  And you wonder why I hate people.

I sometimes wonder what I'd be like if I were different.  I'd probably be better off, but what's the point in living your life sedated.  The Cubs, the Bears, the kids at work, I take their losses pretty hard.  Should I detach myself?  Hell, stop watching the games altogether?  I don't know, but it's in my make up, I'm intense, I'm passionate, I'm emotional.  Hopefully not emo though.  I don't get people that aren't like that.  Is it me?  For example yesterday our kids got their asses handed to them 26-6.  After the game they were goofing off, laughing it up.  I yelled at them, asking them if they thought it was funny.  I don't get it.  No heart.  I guess some of us are that desensitized.  TV, video games?  In their cases, I think it's that they're so used to losing, in all areas of their lives that they don't care.  Another loss, another F, who cares?  I'm trying to change that.  It's not everyone mind you, but it shouldn't be any of them.

I guess taking losing things, people, hard.  It balances out, the ups more than make up for it. "Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." -- Robert Frost.

That's always been one of my favorites quotes.  I'm sure part of it is that I'm just insane.  I couldn't find parking today because there was a family fest going on and I swear I was going to lose it, can you say road rage.  The Bears had just lost too...but hey the Cubs won.  I know some people may find it pathetic that someone can be so tied to seemingly meaningless things, but then again look at the people in New Orleans.  A lot of them said that the Saints were all they had left.  When the team visited people at the shelters it raised their spirits and they kept asking them if they were going to win on Sunday.  I can't even imagine the pressure that they were playing under, not only were they forced to relocate, play in another stadium, but they had the hopes and wishes of an entire town behind them.  The Panthers, who they played, are supposed to be a Super Bowl caliber team.  Entering the game today, the Saints were the underdogs in more ways than once.  However, like one analyst said earlier today, after what they've been through, how can you bet against the Saints.  Sure enough, they pulled through, the people in Astrodome cheered, and for a few moments things weren't so bad.

Where am I going with this?  I don't know, I hope I'm not coming off like some hot-head because I'm totally not, I'm just excitable at times.  It's not a bad thing,  So what was my point again?  Maybe not to fight it.  Wow I'm all over the place.  I guess I'm going to copy my "real life" hard copy journals into here, I started with a few entries yesterday, it'll probably take a while but if I should ever lose the journals at least I'll have a copy in cyber space.  Which makes me wonder if I should get a hard copy of all the ones that I've written in the last couple of years.  Can we lose these?  That would suck.

Today was pretty much my only day off and I spent it watching football, baseball, and cartoons.  I didn't watch the linemen tape I was supposed to, or work on my proposal for ASM, or balance my checkbook, or deposit my last check, or mail the ticket, or activate my new card, etc.  You get the picture.  Fuck I'm such a slacker.  I still haven't decided what to do, if anything, about whatsherface.  I've also got to talk to coach about my responsibilities.  I don't want to be in charge of anything.  I hate paperwork and I do enough of it as it is.  I don't want to be responsible if something goes wrong, I don't get paid enough, I'm not the head guy in charge.  That's what athletic directors are for.  I just want to be involved, help the kids, and have some fun.  Eh, I don't know.  Anyway it's back to the grind tomorrow, something's got to give.  I've been staring at this thing for over an hour now and typing away, I have to get to bed.  Fuckin' early mornings, they're killing me.  My kingdom for a job where I can sleep in...

Sweet dreams,


Tags: katrina

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