Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Bah humbug!

Not really, maybe.  Friday was actually fun, for the most part.  There was a moment when I looked around and thought to myself, what the fuck am I doing?  It came and went.  I'm getting like that with LJ.  What the fuck am I doing even writing here anymore?  I read some of my "friend's" journals and I realize how much I don't know or don't care anymore.  I guess you're supposed to put in as much as you get out of relationships right?  Something like that.  I guess I'm feeling like I'm getting too old for a lot of shit.  What's the point of keeping people around, in the real world and the virtual world, if they're or you're not of any use?  Use sounds bad, I guess I'm just tired of the HOT and COLD shit.  Either you're with me, or you're not.  I don't want to pretend like I'm interested in what's happened to you over the last year and I don't want you to pretend to care when I tell you what's been going on with me.  I mean, if we really cared, wouldn't we talk or write to each other more than a couple of times of year.  The birthday E-mail, the holiday card, the New Year's Eve call.  Fuck it.  Go on and live your life and I'll keep on doing my thing.  It's just frustrating to keep those little threads, to try to cling on to those old feelings, we can't have them anymore.  As much as one would like to, you just can't go back home.  It's depressing, but I think as each day passes I get more used to the idea.  So, do I cut these people off?  Delete half of my friends, close my LJ, start another?  Maybe it's just a phase.  It's the holidays, right?  Not so much, I'm okay about Christmas this year, for the most part.  It's probably the getting older.  That and the fact that I'm so f'ing busy these days, I feel like everything is passing me by, everything is one big blur.  I don't know anyone anymore.  It saddens me.  But life goes on.

This entry really didn't go the way I expected it to, it's alright, I've been thinking about this for some time.  Do I try to reconnect with some people for the last time, give it the old college try?  Or just let go?  I don't know.  I guess I'll play it by ear for the time being.  I just got back to the house a little while ago.  I'm still a little under the weather but I'll live.  I hate how I've bought a lot of new crap and I never get to use it.  It'll be okay, four more days.  Suffrajett on Thursday and the slight possibility of not going in on Friday.  I won't hold my breath though.  Did I have a point?  Umm yeah.  Friday, Calo's work party, I just dropped by.  Then we went off to Morseland and closed that sucker up.  Then off to Rigo and Shenel's where people ended up passing out.  I actually held out for a while and headed home a little after five in the morning.  Saturday was spent recovering after a failed attempt at getting tickets for NYE at the Double Door.  Football took up most of the weekend.  Bears won again, Grossman came in for Orton at the start of the second half.  We shut down the Falcons.  Other than that, not a whole lot else going on.

How you doin'?

PS-it was sooooo fuckin' cold today.  It's only seven degrees out at the moment.  It was even colder this morning.

Tags: crew, football

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