December 11th, 2003

Scud Heartbreaker

Is anybody out there?

As I suspected no one is listening.

It's amazing how you can be alone in a crowd, or hide in public. I guess I could write anything in here and no one would be the wiser. Hmm...

Don't ask questions you already know the answer to.

I still feel like utter crap, I didn't want to get up in the morning but somehow I managed. Gotta save the day for next week, maybe I'll take a half day, I have some drugs so I'll see if they help or not.

The 11th already, two weeks til Christmas, no tree, no lights, no presents...nada. Still not feeling the spirit, don't know if it'll even hit me at this point. I wish I was a kid again, but even then, I remember the moment after Christmas...that "umm ok, now what?" feeling.


The build up, the excitement, the build up, sometimes it's better than the event or moment itself. Think about how many movies you've been dying to see and then it finally opens and blows.

Where the hell was I going with this? I have no idea, I just coughed, but I AM NOT GETTING SICK. Well, guess that's about it for now. Time to find out where the day is going to take me.

Carpe Diem
  • Current Music
    the humming lights above me
Scud Heartbreaker


I'm soo fucking aggravated. Working with computers that suck and take 20 minutes to reboot, techs that know less than I do, people that are always on the phone, or in people's business. FUCK!

Trying to print a simple friggin' report, on two different systems no less and no fucking luck. This is the type of entry I should put on private, watch people end up here and being like is he talking about me?

Guess what I probably am, get to work! Do something! I know I'm not perfect but Christ, I'll put anyone to the challenge, I do twice what they do on any given day.

I'm going to get into trouble with this thing I know it.


Piece of shit office...@#$%#$@%#$ computers, fucking printers..I need to go to lunch. On a totally different note, we, and I mean the Chicago Bears, should go after Coach Reeves...'nuff said.

PS-don't trust anyone..backstabbing, shit-talking mofos

PPS-well, you can trust me :)
  • Current Music
    stupid people
Scud Heartbreaker

I had something perfect to write here but of course I forgot

Acck, well the day continues to suck, got every red light, and nothing to eat at home :(

Does it sound like I'm whining? I really don't mean to, just telling it how it is. Fine, I'll stop. What else was I going to write? Damn short term memory.

People don't get jokes.

Oh yeah, I'm writing peeps handles and ish, since no one's responded...besides everything in here is false right? So it doesn't matter what I say and who I mention. So :P

Shit almost forgot to update,'s amazing how a phone call can change your mood, huh mija? ;)

Gotta run, more later.
  • Current Music
Scud Heartbreaker

The first step towards failure is trying.

I miss you.

I'm still fighting it, made it through a whole day of work but I don't know how long I'm going to hold on.

I hate the unknown.

Of course there are a lot of things I hate, especially when thinking about my future. Luckily there are plenty of things to do to keep me distracted. Who wants to think about their five-year plan when you can be surfing the 'net? Who cares about long-term goals when you have the glowing idiot box staring you down?

I really should do more.

I mean I haven't been working on my screenplay, and just in general. As I randomly look at other peoples journals, I see artists, journalists, students, activists, and more. What the hell am I doing? Not a damn thing. Then again, as a wise man once said..."eh, whatta gonna do."

Remember the first step towards failure is trying.

Why go out if you're only going to end up back home anyway?

God I love the Simpsons. They are so full of informative umm...information. Guess I'll go have some dinner, maybe that will make me feel better. Hopefully things will look up when I log back on. At the very least, it'll be closer to the weekend right? With my luck I'll be full blown sick by then.

My glass is broken and I'm cutting myself with the glass.
  • Current Music
    Audioslave-I Am The Highway
Scud Heartbreaker


Time is relative.

Six weeks, six months, six years. I was watching ER, which was fawked up I might add...and something struck me. Well a lot of things did, one of them was in relation to what I was talking about earlier. I feel like I'm not doing enough, or being productive or whatever...there are people who volunteer or go around the world helping others...and what am I doing? I had a friend who was in the peace corps, the stories she would tell, amazing. What ever happened to her? Anyway, that was one thing. The other was about them knowing each other for what six weeks, Carter and umm what's her face. Thandie Newton's character...I'm rambling. The point was the time.

I know people now, that I've known for literally decades...and some for several years...that barely know me. Then there are people whom I've known for only a year or two, some only months, and they can read me like a book. It's all relative, a lot of it has to do with familiarity, and intensity I guess. Spending day after day together, making memories, etc. I don't know if everyone will understand what I'm babbling about, sometimes I don't, but I guess what I'm saying is that, sometimes years can feel like days...and some days feel like they're never going to end.

Asaundra thinks it's brave to have a public journal.

I don't know if it's that brave per se. I think I'm a pretty open person to begin with and besides I doubt very many people are listening/reading. But I appreciate the thought. At least Futurama is cheering me up. Sort of. I'm laughing sporadically.

I just can't win you know. Life's not fair.

Where are you mija? God I miss you.

I must sound cliche, like every other journal. Except I'm too old to be a whiny teenager. Didn't I say I was going to stop bitching at some point.

Rex Grossman looks like he's 15, hope he does well. It's going to be fucking cold tomorrow, great. More good news. I used to love the weekend. I really need to shave. Is that considered bitching? My thoughts are so random.

Fine, guess I'll just go to bed, I still feel like shit.
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    Family Guy