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What's the point?

I just don't get it sometimes. As long as I've been alive, and as educated, or intelligent I supposedly am. There are just so many fucking things I don't understand. I just don't get it. After everything's said and done, what's the fucking point?

Everyone's blabbing about their New Year's Resolutions. To those of you who actually stick to them, good, congrats, you're a better person than I am, to rest of you...quit posing, what's the point? That's why I'm not even going to bother this year, nothing is going to change in three days, just the fact that we have to write 2004 on our checks instead of 2003. Another year goes by, our past gets longer and our future shorter. More memories, less time to make them. Just closer to death.

I think I might need professional help.

But wait there's more. This year coming up marks my tenth year since graduating HS. Besides making me feel older, like the aching knees, and the soreness in my back I get some morning, it's also the year of our HS reunion.

Joy.

I keep getting bugged to attend, but what's the point? So I can see people I haven't talked to in ten years. To catch up with them? People I probably could careless about...if they really cared what you've been up to, they would have asked. The people I actually got along with in HS, I still talk to, our reunions are at least once a month, not once in ten years. Besides, like I need to see how everyone else seems to have gone on with their lives. The doctors, lawyers, architects. The husbands, wives, fathers, mothers. People that have actually done something over the last decade. Fuck it, what's the point?

God, I've had the last ten days off and I've done absolutely, fucking, nothing with them. Not a damn thing, wasted days like so many wasted words. It's all bullshit in the end.

I think I need to disappear for a while.

Maybe go to Mexico somewhere, Florida, California, somewhere I don't know, just different. What's that going to solve? Just be pissed off and depressing in a different environment I guess.

Almost forgot, before all of this other crap. The question...
"What are you doing for New Year's?"
I rarely know what I doing in the next hour, let alone New Year's yet everyone and their mother has been asking me that for the last fucking month. I want to go see Local H. No one else does. I'm not going along with everyone else this year, might end up going alone, that'd be a good trend to start early in the new year. Being alone. Fun. Great.

Sorry, guess I'm really fucking complaining, sounds kind of harsh huh? Click on another page if you don't like it, lol. Fuck it, what's the point? Maybe I'll just jump in my Jeep and keep driving...see what happens. Then again, maybe I'll sit at home, watch football, go to bed, and wake up New's Year Day, dissapointed I'm still breathing.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 30th, 2003 08:21 am (UTC)
New Year's
Ok, think of the New Year as a new beginning. You don't have to make resolutions, just take a deep breath and think of it as starting out with a clean slate (whatever that phrase means). I look forward to 2004 as a year that I can do whatever I want. This past year was great and it went by fast, as every year seems to anymore, but I'm going to make 2004 better. Do something you've never done before, try something new, make new friends and catch up with old ones at that reunion. Hey 10 years isn't bad, try 20. :) And just remember you still have the new friends you've met along the way this year that will still be with you next year too! (if you want me or not, LOL) Keep on Truckin' Baby!
Love ya,
Asaundra
fenyx
Dec. 30th, 2003 11:01 am (UTC)
Re: New Year's
Thanks, I guess I was really in a bad mood last night, think I'm borderline bi-polar. Trying to be around more, but just hectic with holidays, hope everything's going well on your end of the state. :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )