Gil (fenyx) wrote,
Gil
fenyx

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Information Overload (Catholic Guilt)

Fuck. I read way too damn much and spend too much time jumping from site to site. Blog to blog. Journal to journal. Someone, somewhere, at some point in the recent past wrote something about Catholic guilt. How it gets to us, how it doesn't let you do certain things, etc. Damn, I'm doing it no justice whatsoever. It had a great point, I just wish I remembered it.   I rememeber the jist of it I guess.

I think I'm experiencing it right now.  Things are going good.  I really can't complain.  Maybe it's by choice or just dumb luck, maybe karma, maybe a combination of all three, but a lot of negative energy has been eliminated from my life.  People who just drain you, for whatever reason, you know the types.  Or places, situations, I've tried to get them out of my life, in some instances it just worked out that way.  But for whatever reason, they're leaving and I'm feeling better.  Go figure.  Anyway, back to the Catholic guilt.  I feel horrible about things being good.  Someone at work was telling me how I have to get over it and just enjoy the ride.  Believe me, I'm enjoying, relishing the moments, but it's tough not to worry about it all going to shit.  It's tough to hold in just how happy I am because I don't want to rub into people's faces, or make light of their situations, and really...I don't want to jinx it.

A lot of people are going through some shit.  Especially now that the holidays are here, it always seems to be that way.  People's parents are sick, dying.  Holding on for that last visit, one last Christmas.  Some people already passed.  They couldn't hold on.  We like to think that they're in a better place, on certain days you can almost see them up there.  You can feel their influence.  I don't know, I guess you just have to cherish the time you have with those here and remember the good times with those who aren't.  Just know that you guys, all of you, are in my thoughts, and in my prayers.

Love,

Gil
Tags: death
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