Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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MIA/Carpe Diem

How you doin'? 

I didn't have to work until today so I pretty much spent the week with the girlfriend, wining, dining, bowling, watching movies, shopping.  I can honestly say that I made the most of my break this time around.  Good times.

Suffice to say, it was an amazing week.


Today really sucked.  Not only did I have to go back to the daily grind, but I also had to deal with the passing of Col.  It didn't really hit me, at least the totality of it, until I went to work today.  A couple of kids broke down, hell, even a teacher did.  We had a memorial, they showed a slide show of the funeral.  We also had a moment of silence.  I still can't believe he was only 49.  It's always tough to be reminded about your own mortality, it also bothers me that eventhough he was a great man and will be sorely missed, that life just went on.

I mean, obviously it has to, but it's just sad that no matter who you are, life just moves on.  Yes, people are missed, and many people make their mark, but it probably isn't as much of a mark as you think.  Fuck, I'm just rambling now, he had a beautiful ceremony, and its selfish to think of myself.  My issues and insecurities.  I don't know, I guess I'd just like to think, my delusional self, that the world's going to stop when I pass.  That people will weaping in the streets, flags will be at half mast, and that the world will never be the same.  Truth is, for the most of us, that only those closest to you will really miss you.  I guess I wouldn't want it any other way, I mean really, I don't want all these hypocrites showing up to my funeral telling everyone how wonderful I was.  Fuck you, if you're not talking to me now, I don't want you talking about me when I'm gone.  Tell me how wonderful I am now, don't wait.  Tell everyone how wonderful they are, tell people you love them, don't wait.

Ack, I'm all over the place, this always happens when I don't write for a while, I feel like I'm all over the place.  This is actually like two entries in one...

Oh well, take care y'all

Much Love,

Tags: death, local h, m, nye, work

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