Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Why is everyone so freakin' difficult? Why can't I, or anyone for that matter get a break? I just don't get it. It's like, it's expected that things aren't going to go your way, or that people have rough patches..but Christ almighty, I was talking to a friend of mine today...and the shit she's going's like I remember talking to her about same things...six months ago, a year's supposed to get better right?

Things are supposed to get better if you work on it and you're patient right? They just refused to, but you have to be a good soldier and keep fighting right? I guess I'm just getting tired...

I had a long, really long conversation last night with another really good friend of mine, actually my best friend's GF/Fiancee, people and their labels, anyway...(btw sorry for vagueness but I'm still iffy about names on here) We talked about a lot of things. She went to HS with me and as some of you may know reunion is coming up in March, I've teasing her about making her go with me, and last night she actually broke down and said she would. I wasn't expecting that, I really don't want to go...but I've written about that before.

Anyway, where the hell was I? I guess she's worried about me...for several reasons, I won't get into here, but about my so-called stalling/stagnation. It's a phase I guess, but I'm not going anywhere right now. She was actually ripping into me, it's actually nice to have someone to do that to you. Someone you can totally get into with, top of your lungs, infuriated, but still love them after all is said and done. No pulling of punches. So yeah, maybe I should be back in school, or writing more, or just doing more with my life. She actually said "You need to quit playing X-Box Live on the internet all the damn time." Ha ha!!! Little does she know I'm never on X-Box!!! Just umm in games here. But I digress...yes I know there's a lot I can be doing, but isn't that everyone? Couldn't you be doing more with your life?

The nice thing was, which almost made me have a moment, was that she offered to be my PA, personal assistant...that she'd help me with anything I needed the financial aid, or with anything else I needed...just might have to take her up on that offer. I guess I'm just really f'ed up. As hard as it is to hear bad things about you, I find it even harder to hear good things. Make sense? Didn't think so. I can't stand compliments, how intelligent I am, or anything like that...if I'm so freakin' great why does everything suck so bad you know? Just makes me think about how I'm wasting whatever potential or talent I may have. Wasting my life like so many words...

Okay enough self-pity and so called attention grabbing, or feeling sorry for my self or whatever. Playoffs are on, I'm also getting bitched at for not being in the studio...I rent out a studio space, in theory, haven't paid last couple months...because I'm there. But I should try harder. We all should. This means you! You know who you are.

More later, possibly.

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