Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Just made it.

The last couple of days have sucked, at least baseball has. Not only have the Cubs been losing, we've been losing too. A lot of our kids have no discipline, I guess I expect too much sometimes. Then again, the coaches and athletic directors aren't much better. The game today got cancelled, fuckin' cluster fuck. After all the shit I went through yesterday and this morning to make sure I had everything for today.

I's like...I don't know. Is it me or is it the nature of relationships? Peep this. A lot of times you don't realize what you have, or who you have until it's too late or until it's gone. Sometimes the danger or fear of losing it is enough for it to hit you. However, when you're in the thick of it, it is sometimes easy to believe you're unhappy. To want more. So what is it? Are you really unhappy? Are you greedy? Bored? When it's gone are really missing what was taken, what was missing?

Like my job for instance. I work a lot of insane hours, 14 hours yesterday for example. It isn't the hardest job in the world, it's fun at times, and I'm pretty much my own boss. I love coaching, but I hate the politics and paperwork involved. Last year when I got laid off I was pretty depressed about it, I was like "I'd do anything to have my job back, it's the best job in the world!" Now...I'm not sure I even want it anymore.

This is how I feel at the moment, I'm sure it'll change a dozen times during the next week. So...which is true, how I do I really feel about...things?

It's like the few times I've been in mortal danger, fear of losing my life type of shit. It didn't phase me. Why?

Was I so sure that everything was going to turn out okay? Did faith keep me at ease? Or...did I honestly just not give a fuck? I really couldn't tell you, I'd like to say I knew everything would be okay, but I can't. do I expect people to get me if I don't even get myself sometimes?
Tags: may, work

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