Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Say it ain't so...

I don't know if I can keep doing this. How long do you stay in a bad relationship? At what point do you realize that things aren't going to get better, that if anything, they're going to get worse? You try to convince yourself that it can be salvaged, that there's hope. Hope dies last right? But what about not trying to save the drowning man lest you drown yourself? I know that it's technically not the definition of insanity but some people like to define it as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It's definitely a form of mental illness, of madness, it's an affliction. I don't know, I'm rambling now. I'm broken-hearted, I distraught. I know there are worse things, I know that life will go on, but I don't know if I can keep on doing the same thing and expecting different results. I don't know if I can stay loyal, stay faithful, and keep my promises much longer. It's taking everything I've got to keep myself from going into the closet and burning all of the clothes, all of the mementos, anything that reminds me of the relationship.

Maybe I'll just sleep on it, maybe I'll feel different in the morning, I don't know. Hell, even animals will only take so much, so many beatings, so much pain before they flee or fight.

For the time being I'm through believing, fuck next year, fuck baseball, and fuck the Cubs.
Tags: baseball, cubs
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