3:51 PM - I text Victor, it looks messy out, I doubt people will be in tonight.
3:55 PM - I get off Lake Cook and jump on 41. Traffic's bumper to bumper.
3:57 PM - The traffic sign in the distance reads: 2 hours 12 minutes to Kennedy.
STAGE ONE - Denial - "It can't possibly be that bad, we're moving, right?"
4:30 PM - The traffic reports are saying that all trips in every direction are at least three hours. "Don't go out unless you have to."
4:35 PM - We're not moving. I screw around on Facebook.
4:47 PM - I'm about to hit Touhy, another traffic sign reads: 3 hours 1 minute to circle.
STAGE TWO - Pain - I have a headache.
4:48 PM - Melissa suggests trying to cross over to Lake Shore Drive. I say I'll try but I'm not even close to Peterson yet.
4:55 PM - The radio's saying LSD is just as bad, everything is taking up to four hours now. Yay.
5:12 PM - Some douchebag's on the radio. "I don't even have to tell you to slow down out there because you have no choice." Very funny.
5:35 PM - I'm on Peterson, it's craptacular. At this point I've only seen one plow the whole time.
5:47 PM - I ask Melissa for Daley's number, or for the City. She suggests complaining to 411.
STAGE THREE - Anger and Bargaining - "F'ing Daley!" I think to myself that I'll be good from now on if I can just make it home soon.
5:48 PM - Screw that being good crap.
5:57 PM - People are driving like jackasses, a semi is trying to pass people up on Peterson. I get to Lincoln and Peterson about now.
6:36 PM - I'm close to mom and dad's place. I consider stopping there since I'm tired, hungry and...I really have to pee.
6:37 PM - I decide to keep going. It's supposed to keep snowing, parking sucks around there, and maybe the roads will just get worse.
STAGE FOUR - Depression - "I'm never getting home. I wish someone were here with me, I'm so lonely. This sucks."
6:45 PM - A taxi cab spins out up ahead. Luckily it doesn't hit anyone. I've seen about two plows thus far.
6:52 PM - Is that Lake Shore Drive up ahead!
STAGE FIVE - The Upward Turn - "It looks like it's moving! Maybe I'll get home after all!"
6:55 PM - I hit Lakeshore Drive and it is actually kind of moving.
6:57 PM - No it's not.
7:14 PM - Where the hell are the lanes? It's like anarchy on the roads, they're not plowed and people are making their own lanes.
7:17 PM - People having car trouble seem to just be abandoning their cars on the road. I saw one on the Edens and now I see one on LSD.
STAGE SIX - Reconstruction/Working Through - "At least we're moving, I guess I'll have to just crawl through this mess."
7:23 PM - I'm talking to Victor on the phone as I drive by Michigan. I realize that I miss the Playboy sign that used to be on the building.
7:28 PM - A Mercedes spins out right before I reach the river.
7:29 PM - There's another abandoned car just as I cross over the river, at least he left his hood up.
STAGE SEVEN - Acceptance - "It's actually going to take me four hours to get home. Whatta ya gonna do?"
7:35 PM - We're actually moving now.
7:52 PM - Victor tells me Bruce just got home. He left work at 5:30. He took a bus and a train.
7:53 PM - I mutter something about being a sucker.
7:54 PM - I reach 47th street. I might get home by eight!
7:58 PM - Blue lights, police cars and black SUVs start heading my way. I have to pull over to the right. It's probably Obama.
7:59 PM - I shake my fist at him. "Why can't you do something about the snow!" "Pay my bills!" "Get me a job closer to home!
8:01 PM - I finally pull up in front of my home. I start weeping uncontrollably, or not. The whole time I saw maybe three plows, and the streets all looked like crap.
Four hours, eleven minutes. Good times.
PS-Drew Peterson. Engaged. Really?