Gil (fenyx) wrote,


I'm a mess. I'm trying to write more often, just to vent, and to keep everyone in the loop. It's strange but lately I just can't make decisions. Not that I've ever been very good at it, but as of late I agonize over the dumbest shit. Even this entry, should I make it friends only? WTF? Who cares? Even stupid ass Facebook, I'm always wondering what to post, or write, or if my profile should be open to everyone or what my privacy crap should be set to. I need a life coach.

Even the whole thing about Melissa being pregnant, I didn't, I don't know how the best way to tell everyone is. I'm on FB a lot, but I didn't want to be that guy, OMG We're having a baby! I'm we just starting buy stuff this weekend. Part of is that we didn't want to jinx it, we're older and it was difficult enough to get to this point. The other part is that a lot of people have been going through some rough shit as of late and I didn't want it to seem like we were showing off or rubbing it in anyone's face, or really just make anyone feel any worse off. I figured the whole GIRL!!! outburst on Facebook was okay because it was genuinely spontaneous and most people knew by that point. I know some of you didn't and I kind of feel crappy about it, because I truly consider you some of my closest friends even though we may not see each other very often. Hell there's family we haven't told yet, just because we don't see 'em, whatever.

That's another reason I regret not writing as often, I'm missing out on writing baby crap. About we found out, the ultrasounds, the annoying medical offices and procedures. God I hate doctors and hospitals, but that's another story. Maybe not doctors so much, but the medical system in general. *sighs*

It's actually time consuming, I've got so much other crap I should be doing, I've got a 15 page paper due in a month and a 15-20 minute presentation due in ten days and I'm here on LJ and on Facebook. There's also laundry, dishes, and other chores to be done. Yay. Being grown up sucks. Being pseudo-poor makes it worse.

Speaking of grown up, I'm friggin' 34. I feel so old. It was a nice weekend and we had lunch in Wicker Park on Saturday, I felt so out of place and old. All around me were hipsters, and yuppies living it up. Maybe that's why I really didn't even try going to the H shows. Part of it is that I didn't really dig their newest album, another part is that I'm not down with the fact that I might end up hearing said album in its entirety. I also just kind of find myself being, I don't know, lazy? I rather play cards, play games on the 360, or watch TV. Fuck, I don't want to become that guy but, when, or should I? I'm rambling.

It's Opening Day at Wrigley, the bars have been going since early this morning, I kind of wish I was there, it's nice out, it's baseball, but's not like I can afford to be out there anyway. The baby is going to be good for me, I'll be able to focus all of my energy on her, and I'll also have a built in excuse or good reason to avoid/skip all of the events I can't afford anyway.

There are a few more things I wanted to touch on, but if I ramble on too long no one will want to read this. (As if I have tons of people reading it anyway) Hope you're all doing well.


Tags: baby, cubs, life, pregnancy
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