Gil (fenyx) wrote,
Gil
fenyx

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Anxiety

Lots of stuff going on, as always, but I haven't had a lot of time to write about it. It sucks, lots of milestones have been happening, my first Father's Day as a dad, my baby's first birthday, finding out about the other one, school crap. I mentioned to Melissa today that my life feels like a big ball of stress. I know I don't have it nearly as bad as others, I'm very lucky in a lot of ways, but I'm always on edge. I don't know if I'm really stressed or if I'm developing an anxiety disorder or something.


I know I don't get enough sleep but even on nights when I do go to bed early I can't fall asleep. I've had the week off, next week too, but I can't even enjoy it because I feel like I have something due, or somewhere to be. It sucks.


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This is helpful, I know I need to write more, on here and on my other blog. I know working out would also help, it did when I was doing it the last couple of months, but it also adds to my stress. Finding the time to hit the gym, having someone take care of Serafina. I don't want to take advantage of my parents (unlike some other people I know) so I only use them for school or work related situations. Since Serafina's been born we've had maybe two nights out, actually...I think it's only been one. New Year's. Wow. 


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Someone asked me last week what I did over the summer, it took me a second, I had to respond that I haven't done anything. I really haven't. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, it's not like I was out rock climbing, or visiting Paris or anything before Sera, but I don't know, it's just hard sometimes. I didn't have much of a life to begin with, now it's totally non-existant.


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I should probably see my doctor, I think my eyes are starting to act their age. I think it might be allergies, which have hit me pretty hard this year, or maybe lack of sleep, but my focus isn't as sharp as it used to be. Or it takes longer, it's hard to explain, I can see fine, but I feel like it's hazy out at time, or I have to focus, squint, I don't know...I should probably go to the doctor soon.


Fuck, Sera's crying, ........(waiting to see if she'll stop, sometimes it's like she's dreaming or talking in her sleep)


Ugh...I've got to clean up my tags and stuff someday as well...she seems to be quieting down...we'll see....


Tags: babies, baby, fandads, father's day, life, pregnancy, serafina
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