Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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"I'm good enough but I don't care, the sun is out but I'm not there..."

Guess I'm starting to use song lyrics and line from films as whatever. Anyway I'm supposed to be writing right? But I find myself looking at cue sticks, dart boards, and keyboards online. Damn money, I swear anytime I have a little extra it just burns a hole in my pocket until it's spent. Don't get me wrong, I'm not materialistic, at least not lately. Sure I'd like lots of things, wouldn't we all, but right now...I don't need riches, or extravagant things. I already know the one thing that would make me happy...alas it is beyond my reach. Sorry I'm rambling now.

I guess I was semi-productive with my day off, in reality I feel like I wasted it. Cashed my tax check woot! Just don't know what to do with it now, lol...still have to get inked too. I sent out some bills, played a little There and a little EQ. I don't know, I think I might have to cancel my accounts. I mean what's the point? I found out today that since Eden isn't going to be on anymore, everyone's back on Stromm, where I'm way behind everyone. I was working on my avi on Rasp, now I feel like I'm going to have to catch up again. No use, I don't know. Sims I don't even play, and I feel like I've pretty much lost contact with everyone from the Creek anyhow. As far as There, no one was on, and I felt lost with the new looks and everything, needless to say I got bored quick. I'm sure there's a lot more constructive things I could be doing with the time and money spent on the games.

I also got a few calls during the day, preventing me from sleeping on my day off. (Grr) I did manage to nap here and there and I also was expecting one of those calls anyway. So I go down to the basement to shoot some stick. Three of my uncles, my pops, and a friend were down there. We paired up and played eight-ball. It's pretty funny being down there because they all act like kids. Teasing back and forth, making fun of each other, talking shit and trying to distract whoever's shooting. For some reason they all help me though, lol. Prolly because I'm still a kid to them, another reason is because I suck compared to them. I wonder where I went wrong. All of them are good players, one of my uncles is a straight up hustler. Then my other uncle was a boxer in Mexico, real good one too. Town champ or equivalent of Golden Gloves here or whatever. Then my father, he's a great golfer, always plays and places in Midwest Amateur Tournaments. In addition, he's a black belt/sash martial artist. We actually had a martial arts school for a while back in the nineties. (Holy shit that made me feel I think it was 92'-93' I was still in So anyway, everyone's freakin' great, and I sometimes don't feel like I add up. Am I making sense?

Don't get me wrong, I'm no punk. I can handle myself pretty well, and I'm pretty decent at most sports. Played lots in HS, and I can shoot decent stick. Plus I was always good in school, I know I can handle a pen. Wasn't that bad of an actor, and a few other things. Just that I think I've wasted a lot of talent, or opportunities. I don't know, with my genes and resources...I should be great at something and not just ok at a lot of them. I'm a jack of all trades but master of none. Sorry, I think I'm losing you, hell I'm losing myself here.

Just remember "All your base are belong to us."

Now I'm watching Futurama and it's distracting me...actually this episode kind of strike a chord with me...I wish I had a holodome. :( Goddamnit, can't concentrate tonight, guess I'll see you guys soon...maybe.

For great justice,

Gil "Zig"

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