Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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"Alright! Alright! Who's down with G-O-D?"

If you told me two years ago that a movie starring Mandy Moore and Macaulay Culkin was being made, and that it was actually pretty good, I would have laughed and kicked your ass into Lake Michigan. Well, maybe I'd just laugh. Saved! was pretty awesome. There's a lot of great lines in it and the cast, yes even Mandy Moore, does a great job. I really related to the film at times, especially with the whole Catholic School upbringing. It touches on a lot of stuff, pregnancy, abortion, homosexuality, faith, ignorance, and tolerance to name a few.

"They say when Jesus shuts a door, he opens a window."
"That's so we'll have something to jump out of."

"Why would God let us have these feelings of hapiness if they're wrong?"

"This isn't how I wanted to remember my life."

Some might not be exact, but I've only watched the movie once, so sue me.

I'm in a strange mood to say the least, I was pissed off earlier and I can't say that I'm not right now, but it's subsiding. After watching a good flick, taking a nap, running some errands, listening to some good tunes, and having some Villa Palermo, I'm feeling better. Except for the fact that I swear it's colder inside my house than it is outside, I'm fucking freezing.

Last night was kind of insane. Guess I'll write about it now. Friday started off routinely enough, woke up early, did the 3 S's, and got my ass to work. A teacher comes in and tells me that he has a mission for me should I choose to accept it. (his words I shit you not) So without knowing what the hell was going on, I'm like sure whatever. I guess there's a meeting going on downtown, right about now actually, and they needed a boom-box, some copies, and folders. (fawk I think I lost the receipt, shit bye bye reimbursement) So after finishing up my contract for the After School Matters crap, I headed to Office Depot (which sucked) and then downtown. You'd be amazed how many times my prints, personal info, etc has been checked and double checked. No I'm not a pedophile, rapist, criminal, terrorist, or murderer. I've been checked out many times, by the Board of Ed., DCFS, and CPD.

*I fucking hate people, why inflict pain on others, so many people grow up fucked in the head, never having a normal life. Doped up on meds, all because some fucked up individual had to have his way. I wish I could help, change it, do something about, but I can't.*

Came back north and found out some people were supposed to be going to Hamilton's but no one showed. Plan B, everyone reverts to going to Mullen's. After getting picked up and spending some anxious moments on the way there, I finally arrived. Some of the crew started trickling in and everything was copacetic. I whupped that ass at darts, I don't think I played much pool. I suck lately. At some point people outside the crew started joining us. Things were said, misunderstood, and people overreacted. My peace keeping mission begins. We stick around for a few more before continuing on to the Southside. Oh I also had conversations with my peeps sporadically through the night, Swanie and Iverson were going to be at the Morseland. I would have liked to have gone, at the very least to hang out with Fred, haven't seen him in ages. J-Rock also called but he was out by Wicker Park, I believe and I was without transportation. I also spoke to Ro briefly, she said to call her today but eh. Guess her work screwed her over yesterday and she wasn't going to be able to go out after all. That's why I don't make plans, sue me for never setting anything in stone.

*Only in America can people like my mom and dad bust their asses to make shitty wages and someone like me get paid over three times as much to play table games with kids.*

So fast forward to the Southside, after a harrowing ride there which involved a lot of high speed weaving through traffic on LSD, blowing a red light, and slippery conditions. The crew + one shows up and the drama ensues. Someone has to leave, someone else has to react, more peace keeping. Eventually everyone settles down and a couple of jagerbombs and Long Islands later, everyone's back to being cool. Some extra-cirrcular activites occur, along with stepping, pool playing, slot jockeying, popping, and roller skating. Did I mention the alcohol. Hours pass and everything's okay. A few awkward moments, close calls, and tense moments here and there, but everything's alright for the most part. It's turning out to be a wonderful night. Then the music stops. Literally, someone vetos someone else's CD and it's all downhill from there. He said, she said, bitch, asshole, motherfucker, like a ticking time bomb the shit explodes and not only hits the fan, it hits the vents, the windows, and most of us in the face. Someone has a knife in her hand, I have to keep people from fighting, and our poor host, who has nothing to do with anything, ends up mediating a makeshift, improvisational type of intervention. Tempers flared, people got emo, and nothing was really resolved. I had to get the fuck out of Dodge and it was pretty obvious with everyone as fucked up as they were, that shit wasn't going to be squashed anytime soon. Everyone went their separate ways, and I had a moment with a friend in front of D's, she was crying and as I looked into her eyes, I saw that somehow things weren't going to be the same after tonight. For any of us.

I know it sounds dramatic or emo or whatnot. But it's gone on long enough, people have got to change or there will be changes made in the crew or whatever. I love all my peeps, but I've got other friends too. If the work crew doesn't get back together or if shit's awkward I can always chill with others. I don't want to lose anyone, but sometimes certain people don't want to be found. Fuck I'm falling asleep again, what the hell's wrong with me, granted I got in at 4am but still, heh.

Oh and to be included in all the madness of the night, I get an early morning voicemail from none other than Jules.

From New Orleans.

I haven't spoken to her since last Saturday after the Local H fiasco. Guess she's down there visiting friends, I get a voicemail from her and she passes the phone to Marcus. I haven't heard from that dude in a long time so that was a pleasant surprise, sort of. She's still going to get it from me next time we speak. Fuck I don't even know if this is going to post, damn Internet's been acting up. Why can't anything be easy? *Disconnects cables-resets modems-resets IP address-kicks modem-punches wall* FUCK!

Suffrajett tonight, I'll probably take the L there since it's right underneat the Belmont stop. Think it's time for another nap, hopefully things will turn out for the best. If not, everything happens for a reason right?

"Truth and tears clear the way to a deep and lasting friendship."



This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believin')
I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

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