Gil (fenyx) wrote,

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Beads drip drop, but the pain doesn't stop.

Alright I gotta finish this while I'm conscious, I'm in this twilight state between sleep, hallucination, and unconsciousness. A combination of fever (maybe?), drugs, and tiredness, umm yeah? Freakin' missed Mullen's for first time this year, well actually missed crew since everyone went to the South Side to help D out. Sucks that I'm sick as shit because I really wanted to help, and not for personal gain unlike other people I know. (Next time you want car fixed, blah, blah) People who do shit just to get shit back in return are cocksuckers. Karma bitches, karma. Oh and trying to guilt trip people is just as bad. Idiots. Speaking of idiots, I'm not going to make this some long political debate, it's over, deal with it. But (in best Nelson voice) HA! HA! Bitches.

"Oh that guy's so out of the White House come November." "Let's go rally in Wisconsin." "America does not support this war." Seems to me that Bush won the popular vote and that Congress is now in Republican control, right? Whatever, I'm over it, but I'm glad Puffy's Vote or Die shit had such an impact, pfft. Same 10% of young voters showed up, way to go MTV!

Okay, I'll stop. No politics or religion in mixed company right? I had to get it off my chest, for over the last year being surrounded by Bush haters. I'm not even for him all that much, it's just the lesser of two evils. I'm sure at one point I was PRO-Kerry but listening, nay, being lectured by everyone that Bush is the devil and that we HAVE to get him out, it got old. Just like showing up to concerts, shows, and having the people on stage yell at me "Fuck George Bush." Oh and comedians, movie stars, etc. It was just so 2004 to hate Bush. Lemmings.

Fuck, nothing too eventful today. I'm disappointed that I'm stuck here but hopefully I'll be better for the weekend. Still have to figure out if I'm heading to Madison to see BJ and Local. The Rave next Tuesday, fuckin' work always in the way. If I like what I see maybe I'll even venture out to Indy to see them since Thursday's a day off. Forget why though. So yeah, work was work, I started feeling like shit early in the morning. Finished like a gallon of OJ but still felt craptacular. Today was/is probably fun. Working on the house, chillin'. Part of the crew always has to take off early but today they could stay so everyone's prolly to be me. At least I'm like high. Maybe I'll have f'ed up dreams, cool. Maybe I won't wake up! Scwheet!

Sorry about that, at least I got a nice email today. I know that at least one person on this mudball trusts me. Hmm..yeah I'm just babbling now aren't I?

Breathing in, breathing out, children crying. Shut the fuck up. The hoodie covers all. I pull it over my head, pull it tight and I'm far away. The beads are still drip-dropping, but the sickness isn't stopping. I need drugs, I need vicks, I need sleep, I need love...hmm...

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love

Romance sheer delight how sweet
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete
You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle
I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat
kiss you on the cheek and say ooh girl you're so sweet
It's deja vu whenever I'm with you
I could go on forever telling you what I do
But where you at you're neither here or there
I swear I can't find you anywhere
Damn sure you ain't in my closet, or under my rug
this love search is really making me bug
And if you know who you are why don't you make yourself seen
take the chance with my love and you'll find out what I mean
Fantasy's can run but they can't hide
and when I find you I'm gon' pour all my love inside
I need love
I need love

I wanna kiss you hold you never scold you just love you
suck on you neck, caress you and rub you
Grind moan and never be alone
if you're not standing next to me you're on the phone
Can't you hear it in my voice, I need love bad
I've got money but love's something I've never had
I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all
I love you more than a man who's 10 feet tall
I'd watch the sunrise in your eyes
we're so in love when we hug we become paralyzed
Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal
you're as soft as a pillow and I'm as hard as steel
It's like a dream land, I can't lie I never been there
maybe this is an experience that me and you can share
Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet
I swear to you this is something that I'll never forget
I need love
I need love

See what I mean I've changed I'm no longer
a playboy on the run I need something that's stronger
Friendship, trust honor respect admiration
this whole experience has been such a revelation
It's taught me love and how to be a real man
to always be considerate and do all I can
Protect you you're my lady and you mean so much
my body tingles all over from the slightest touch
Of your hand and understand I'll be frozen in time
till we meet face to face and you tell me you're mine
If I find you girl I swear I'll be a good man
I'm not gonna leave it in destiny's hands
I can't sit and wait for my princess to arrive
I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive
I'll search the whole world for that special girl
when I finally find you watch our love unfurl
I need love
I need love

Girl, listen to me
When I be sittin in my room all alone, staring at the wall
fantasies, they go through my mind
And I've come to realize that I need true love
and if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen
I'll be waiting
I love you

Oookkay. I don't know where that came from. Anyone I'm like passing out. So please don't mind me y'all. I'll be back tomorrow.

Much love,

LL Cool G

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